Happy International Self Love Day, Ladies! Not many people know about this holiday, but I believe self love is the key to attracting all the things we want into our lives, including the right relationships, romantic or otherwise, and should be celebrated. Spending time with ourselves, really getting to know who we are, the truth of who we are right at our cores is the greatest gift we can give ourselves and everyone in our lives.
It is almost impossible to create the life and love you want, if you don’t know or love who you are. You’ll continuously look for people outside of you to give you that which you can only give to yourself. We’ve all been there. I’ve been the woman who feared that she was a horrible person at her core, and pulled on other people to prove to her that she really was a good person, all the while afraid that sooner or later, they’d discover how bad I really was. I’ve also been the woman who attracted the Walking Wounded, people who pulled on her to make amends for all the wrongs life had done them. Being on either side of the dynamic will never bring us the deep inner peace, happiness, joy and love we’re really looking for.
Self love takes courage. I also believe it’s a discipline, something we need to chose day after day, even when we don’t feel like it. We choose to love ourselves, even when we don’t feel good, or we make mistakes. This is real unconditional love, something you commit to creating moment to moment, not just something you promise yourself when you’re feeling on top of the world, and goes out the window as soon as you feel angry or fed up or sad.
Imagine what the world would be like if everyone loved themselves unconditionally, with the kind of healthy love that flows out to everyone in our lives? No more choosing relationships based on fear. No more staying in jobs which drain us because we’re too afraid of going after what we really want. No more neglecting our health or scraping by month after month because we’re too afraid of rejection or feelings of unworthiness to charge what we’re really worth.
If you’re single right now, the day before Valentine’s Day, you’re actually in a very lucky situation. You have a free canvas for creating the love you really want so that next Valentine’s Day, you may wake up in the arms of the love of your life. And you can start creating this right now, on International Self Love Day, by righting the most important relationship you’ll ever have in your life, the one you have with yourself. Make a decision today that you’re going to commit to knowing yourself and falling deeply in love with who you really are. At the end of the day, you’re the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with, the one who’s going to be with you no matter what. And the deep, loving, passionate relationship you’re looking for can only happen when two people who know and love who they are, come together to give and share love rather than to get love.
Self love isn’t always an easy thing to develop. I grew up with a lot of examples of toxic self love and I couldn’t shake the belief that to love myself and put myself first would make me a selfish person who would hurt other people. But I learned, as will you, that self love is only selfish if you think it’s only something you should have. When you give to yourself to the detriment of other people and think other people should give to you ‘just because’.
When you have a deep, healthy self love, you want everyone else to experience it too. You don’t think other people valuing themselves makes you somehow less valuable. Self love prevents you from pulling on others to give to you what you can only get from yourself. Healthy self love makes you a more open hearted, generous person and developing it is one of the most selfless things you can do.
What can you do today to fall more deeply in love with yourself? How can you be kinder to yourself?
Hint: Imagine your ideal relationship. Imagine how he’ll treat you. That’s how you treat yourself. The relationships we call in are a reflection of our relationships with ourselves. If you attract men who don’t care about what you want, you need to ask yourself in what ways are you neglecting your own wants. If you attract men who are never there for you, you need to ask yourself in what ways are you not there for yourself. And if you want to attract a strong, loving man who will love you, no matter what, you need to commit to feeling this way about yourself first.
I’ll be writing more on developing deep self love in the coming weeks but for now, let me once again wish you all a Happy Self Love Day. Here’s to creating the most important love you’ll ever have!