Happy Valentine’s Day

Happy Valentine’s Day to my followers ūüôā ¬†Today is the traditional day for celebrating love, but I believe love is something that should be celebrated all year around, with everyone in our lives. ¬†Even if you’re single today, take time to appreciate how much love is in your life right now. ¬†Look for all the ways the people in your life show you they love you, from the friend who has always supported and believed in you no matter what, to the cup of coffee your sister brought you as a peace-offering that time you had a spat. ¬†

Valentines Day Picture

The reality is that even if we’re not in the right relationship yet, our lives are filled with love. ¬†All of us have people in our lives who would do anything for us, but we’re so focused on the form it should take, that it only counts if it comes from a romantic partner, that we miss the love that’s right in front of us and all around us.

How can you show more love and appreciation to your loved ones today? ¬†Call up an old friend and tell them you’ve been thinking of them. ¬†Invite some of your single friends around for a home cooked dinner. ¬†Tell someone how much they mean to you, and how lucky you are to have them in your life. ¬†Do all this with the pure intention of giving love, without expecting anything in return. ¬†

And of course, also spend today giving love to yourself. ¬†Fill yourself up with love, do something you’ve been wanting to do for ages. ¬†Take the afternoon off and indulge in a favourite book. ¬†Think of ways you can commit even more deeply to yourself by visioning the big dream you have for your life and the great purpose you were born to share with the world, and take the first steps today to make that a reality.

Happy Valentine’s Day again, and no matter what your relationship status, allow today to be as love filled as you can make it. ¬†You are pure love at your core, so share the gift of your authentic self, everywhere you go. xoxoxo

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Happy International Self Love Day!

Happy International Self Love Day, Ladies!  Not many people know about this holiday, but I believe self love is the key to attracting all the things we want into our lives, including the right relationships, romantic or otherwise, and should be celebrated.  Spending time with ourselves, really getting to know who we are, the truth of who we are right at our cores is the greatest gift we can give ourselves and everyone in our lives.

It is almost impossible to create the life and love you want, if you don’t know or love who you are. ¬†You’ll continuously look for people outside of you to give you that which you can only give to yourself. ¬†We’ve all been there. ¬†I’ve been the woman who feared that she was a horrible person at her core, and pulled on other people to prove to her that she really was a good person, all the while afraid that sooner or later, they’d discover how bad I really was. ¬†I’ve also been the woman who attracted the Walking Wounded, people who pulled on her to make amends for all the wrongs life had done them. ¬†Being on either side of the dynamic will never bring us the deep inner peace, happiness, joy and love we’re really looking for.

Life On Own Terms

Self love takes courage. ¬†I also believe it’s a discipline, something we need to chose day after day, even when we don’t feel like it. ¬†We choose to love ourselves, even when we don’t feel good, or we make mistakes. ¬†This is real unconditional love, something you commit to creating moment to moment, not just something you promise yourself when you’re feeling on top of the world, and goes out the window as soon as you feel angry or fed up or sad.

Imagine what the world would be like if everyone loved themselves unconditionally, with the kind of healthy love that flows out to everyone in our lives? ¬†No more choosing relationships based on fear. ¬†No more staying in jobs which drain us because we’re too afraid of going after what we really want. ¬†No more neglecting our health or scraping by month after month because we’re too afraid of rejection or feelings of unworthiness to charge what we’re really worth.

If you’re single right now, the day before Valentine’s Day, you’re actually in a very lucky situation. ¬†You have a free canvas for creating the love you really want so that next Valentine’s Day, you may wake up in the arms of the love of your life. ¬†And you can start creating this right now, on International Self Love Day, by righting the most important relationship you’ll ever have in your life, the one you have with yourself. ¬†Make a decision today that you’re going to commit to knowing yourself and falling deeply in love with who you really are. ¬†At the end of the day, you’re the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with, the one who’s going to be with you no matter what. ¬†And the deep, loving, passionate relationship you’re looking for can only happen when two people who know and love who they are, come together to give and share love rather than to get love.

Self love isn’t always an easy thing to develop. ¬†I grew up with a lot of examples of toxic self love and I couldn’t shake the belief that to love myself and put myself first would make me a selfish person who would hurt other people. ¬†But I learned, as will you, that self love is only selfish if you think it’s only something you should have. ¬†When you give to yourself to the detriment of other people and think other people should give to you ‘just because’.

When you have a deep, healthy self love, you want everyone else to experience it too. You don’t think other people valuing themselves makes you somehow less valuable. ¬†Self love prevents you from pulling on others to give to you what you can only get from yourself. ¬†Healthy self love makes you a more open hearted, generous person and developing it is one of the most selfless things you can do.

What can you do today to fall more deeply in love with yourself?  How can you be kinder to yourself?

Hint:¬†¬†Imagine your ideal relationship. ¬†Imagine how he’ll treat you. ¬†That’s how you treat yourself. ¬†The relationships we call in are a reflection of our relationships with ourselves. ¬†If you attract men who don’t care about what you want, you need to ask yourself in what ways are you neglecting your own wants. ¬†If you attract men who are never there for you, you need to ask yourself in what ways are you not there for yourself. ¬†And if you want to attract a strong, loving man who will love you, no matter what, you need to commit to feeling this way about yourself first.

I’ll be writing more on developing deep self love in the coming weeks but for now, let me once again wish you all a Happy Self Love Day. Here’s to creating the most important love you’ll ever have!

What’s Your Relationship Story?

Have you spent years dreaming of, and trying to find the right man, but it just never seems to happen?¬† You know you want a loving relationship, possibly marriage and kids.¬† You long to meet your soul mate.¬† But year after year, True Love still seems to allude you. What’s going on?

As a conscious woman, you know you create your experiences.  This is good news. It means you can change your experience to the one you want to create. Of course, this also means you are doing something to keep yourself single.

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If you’ve been trying to call in love for years and it hasn’t happened, there is likely a story you’re telling yourself about love..¬† The story might be running just under the surface.¬† You probably have never taken it out and really examined it. And yet there’s probably lots of little ways the story pops up, without you recognizing it for what it is.

I’ll give you an example. I always knew I was terrified of marriage. I was the ultimate commitment-phobe.¬† I truly believed that once you got married, that was it. Your life was over. When a guy talked about the future, or when I received a marriage proposal, I felt a cold, sick feeling of terror in my stomach. It was a strange contrast, because at the same time, I was one of the sappiest people you could ever meet. A story of a man and a woman who had been together 60 years and were still head over heels in love would have me in floods of tears. Remember Heathcliff’s line from Wuthering Heights, ‘I cannot live without my life. I cannot live without my soul’?¬† For a long time, my friends thought it was hilarious to say that line to me in public, and watch me well up.

So, what was going on?¬† There were hints.¬† If a guy I was dating tried to tell me what to do, I’d flair up right away, pointing out the fact that we weren’t married yet.¬† If a married woman mentioned going on holiday or to a concert with her friends, I got a jolt of surprise that she could do that.

I sat down and really called up the marriage movie I had playing in my head, and this time I watched it and paid attention.¬† I was shocked at what I saw.¬† When I imagined being married, I imagined it meant signing away all rights to having an identity of my own.¬† I saw it as no longer being a real person, but an object who existed to meet my husband’s needs.¬† I also imagined that I would have no right to feel unhappy about this because by getting married, I was agreeing to accept this as my role in life.

I had no idea that what I was seeing was not a healthy marriage, but an abusive relationship with a narcissistic manchild. I just thought that because the idea of marriage turned me off, I probably just wasn’t the marrying kind.¬† It was a shock to realize how unhealthy this story was.

No wonder I found it so hard to find the right person.¬† When I started dating someone new, I was always tense, waiting for the controlling behavior to start. I played safe by dating men who were weaker than me in some way. Ironically, these men were very controlling. Not in a ‘Do what I say!’ kind of way, but in a way that was passive-aggressive, piling guilt and pressure on me to do what they wanted.¬† By trying to avoid being controlled, I was actually making it happen.¬† As Carl Jung says, what we resist persists.

Take a look at your own story and discover what you’re telling yourself about the relationship you want.¬† This story has to be examined and challenged.¬† None of the dating rules in the world will make the smallest difference if you’re still carrying this around.¬† If you’re having trouble uncovering your story, you can contact me at borntobeaheroine@gmail.com for a free two hour session, where we’ll identify what your story is.

Next time, we’ll look at how to challenge your story and replace it with a more empowering one, one that will lead you to the love of your life.