Is Chemistry Always A Good Thing?

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5 thoughts on “Is Chemistry Always A Good Thing?

  1. Great article. I have come to this realization also.. through hard-earned experience, you have portrayed it so well here Tiffany! So a question I have been pondering since this realization and since not entering into relationships with these ‘match made in heaven’ guys when i feel the pull.. how can one start a love affiar without chemistry?

    • Hey Caroline. I’m definitely not suggesting chemistry isn’t necessary, or that you should be in a relationship without it. It is important that you and your partner have chemistry. However, it is possible to meet someone and have chemistry without the urgent intensity that tells you you MUST be with this person, no matter what the cost to yourself, no matter how the relationship makes you feel, or how your partner treats you. I think most of us know someone (or have been someone) who spends most of her time crying and miserable because of how badly her partner treats her, yet any attempt to make her see how unhealthy the relationship is will lead to her claiming that you ‘just don’t understand what they have together’. This is someone who tends to believe that intense chemistry alone makes it the real deal, and is blinded to anything else.

      It’s possible to have a ‘gentler’ chemistry with a partner, that grows stronger over time the more you get to know one another. This gentler chemistry allows for other factors as well, that you have similar values and goals in life, that you trust this person’s character, that you can be fully yourself with him, you like who you are when you’re with him, while also feeling inspired to be the best person you can be. So rather than chemistry really being all you have together, it’s one of several lovely aspects to your relationship.

  2. Aha Tiffany… I have found I mostly experience an all encompassing chemistry or nothing at all, but maybe i view it as nothing in comparison to the ‘must be with him at all costs’ and without a doubt there have been heavy costs of which I am now unwilling to keep paying. Thank you, this is a great answer and i feel it will open me up to being aware of a subtler chemistry which I often, now that I think of it, dismiss as a friendship type of connection. I would love to share this article in my newsletter as it’s a route many of us women go down, that’s for sure. πŸ™‚

    • Definitely, Caroline. A subtler chemistry can grow stronger over time, the more you get to know someone. Plus, that feeling you get when you’ve been getting to know someone gradually, and you reach that tipping point where you suddenly find them incredibly attractive, is too much fun to miss out on πŸ˜‰
      Of course, feel free to share πŸ™‚

      • Ah so it must have happened for you πŸ™‚ .. nice one!!! I think it has a lot to do with what you allow yourself to believe and I’ve been blocking.. categorizing in a away I think, looking back.. great I will share.. this is a common scenario as you know πŸ™‚

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