For the month of October, I have been playing a game set by my mentor, called Outrageous October. For this month, I am making outrageous requests, far outside my comfort zone. The purpose of the game is to deliberately fail, and collect as many Nos as I can. A No is a success.
The whole point of the game is to stretch myself and the others taking part, to help us lose the fear of asking for what we really want, and hearing a No. If we see it as a game, then we don’t take it so seriously. We don’t create a story about what ‘No’ means about us. We are collecting No’s, so when we get one, we just say ‘Thank you! Win! Next!’
This game is a lot of fun. Just yesterday, I sent a bold proposal to a certain famous television personality, offering her 3 months of coaching for $25,000. Then I followed it up with a request to a world famous coach, offering to coach him for 6 months, for $55,000. The numbers didn’t really matter. I just chose large numbers that were outside my comfort zone, and put them out there. I would never have dared do something so bold before. But because it was a game, it was simply fun! I love to play, and this was right up my street. I was bubbling over with energy afterwards. I told one of my coaching clients about it in our session last night and she thought it sounded like so much fun, that she’s begun to play too.
What would you ask for, if you had no fear of the response? If you knew you wouldn’t create a story about why you didn’t get the answer you were hoping for? What if the answer you usually fear to receive was the one you were actually trying to get, and getting it was actually a win for you?
Steve Chandler calls it ‘Playing the No Game’. If I handed you a coin, and told you I’d pay you $100 for each time you flipped it and it came up heads in the next 5 minutes, what would you do? You’d start flipping pretty quickly. And what would happen if the coin came up Tails? Would you stop right away for fear of getting more Tails, and start creating a story about what receiving a Tails meant about you? Of course not! You’d keep flipping that coin, as many times as you can. Because you’d know that the more times the coin comes up Tails, the more it will come up Heads, which is where the wealth is.
No works in the same way. You can’t get Yeses, without also getting Nos. The more Nos you receive, the more Yeses will also follow. The key is to keep asking. No just means No. It doesn’t mean anything about your worth as a human being. It doesn’t say anything about your value. It’s just information.
What would you love to ask for, that you’d love to get a Yes response? Go out and ask as many people, and deliberately collect as many Nos as you can. And notice how much easier it is to create what you want, when No no longer holds any power over you.