Have you spent years dreaming of, and trying to find the right man, but it just never seems to happen? You know you want a loving relationship, possibly marriage and kids. You long to meet your soul mate. But year after year, True Love still seems to allude you. What’s going on?
As a conscious woman, you know you create your experiences. This is good news. It means you can change your experience to the one you want to create. Of course, this also means you are doing something to keep yourself single.
If you’ve been trying to call in love for years and it hasn’t happened, there is likely a story you’re telling yourself about love.. The story might be running just under the surface. You probably have never taken it out and really examined it. And yet there’s probably lots of little ways the story pops up, without you recognizing it for what it is.
I’ll give you an example. I always knew I was terrified of marriage. I was the ultimate commitment-phobe. I truly believed that once you got married, that was it. Your life was over. When a guy talked about the future, or when I received a marriage proposal, I felt a cold, sick feeling of terror in my stomach. It was a strange contrast, because at the same time, I was one of the sappiest people you could ever meet. A story of a man and a woman who had been together 60 years and were still head over heels in love would have me in floods of tears. Remember Heathcliff’s line from Wuthering Heights, ‘I cannot live without my life. I cannot live without my soul’? For a long time, my friends thought it was hilarious to say that line to me in public, and watch me well up.
So, what was going on? There were hints. If a guy I was dating tried to tell me what to do, I’d flair up right away, pointing out the fact that we weren’t married yet. If a married woman mentioned going on holiday or to a concert with her friends, I got a jolt of surprise that she could do that.
I sat down and really called up the marriage movie I had playing in my head, and this time I watched it and paid attention. I was shocked at what I saw. When I imagined being married, I imagined it meant signing away all rights to having an identity of my own. I saw it as no longer being a real person, but an object who existed to meet my husband’s needs. I also imagined that I would have no right to feel unhappy about this because by getting married, I was agreeing to accept this as my role in life.
I had no idea that what I was seeing was not a healthy marriage, but an abusive relationship with a narcissistic manchild. I just thought that because the idea of marriage turned me off, I probably just wasn’t the marrying kind. It was a shock to realize how unhealthy this story was.
No wonder I found it so hard to find the right person. When I started dating someone new, I was always tense, waiting for the controlling behavior to start. I played safe by dating men who were weaker than me in some way. Ironically, these men were very controlling. Not in a ‘Do what I say!’ kind of way, but in a way that was passive-aggressive, piling guilt and pressure on me to do what they wanted. By trying to avoid being controlled, I was actually making it happen. As Carl Jung says, what we resist persists.
Take a look at your own story and discover what you’re telling yourself about the relationship you want. This story has to be examined and challenged. None of the dating rules in the world will make the smallest difference if you’re still carrying this around. If you’re having trouble uncovering your story, you can contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org for a free two hour session, where we’ll identify what your story is.
Next time, we’ll look at how to challenge your story and replace it with a more empowering one, one that will lead you to the love of your life.
For the month of October, I have been playing a game set by my mentor, called Outrageous October. For this month, I am making outrageous requests, far outside my comfort zone. The purpose of the game is to deliberately fail, and collect as many Nos as I can. A No is a success.
The whole point of the game is to stretch myself and the others taking part, to help us lose the fear of asking for what we really want, and hearing a No. If we see it as a game, then we don’t take it so seriously. We don’t create a story about what ‘No’ means about us. We are collecting No’s, so when we get one, we just say ‘Thank you! Win! Next!’
This game is a lot of fun. Just yesterday, I sent a bold proposal to a certain famous television personality, offering her 3 months of coaching for $25,000. Then I followed it up with a request to a world famous coach, offering to coach him for 6 months, for $55,000. The numbers didn’t really matter. I just chose large numbers that were outside my comfort zone, and put them out there. I would never have dared do something so bold before. But because it was a game, it was simply fun! I love to play, and this was right up my street. I was bubbling over with energy afterwards. I told one of my coaching clients about it in our session last night and she thought it sounded like so much fun, that she’s begun to play too.
What would you ask for, if you had no fear of the response? If you knew you wouldn’t create a story about why you didn’t get the answer you were hoping for? What if the answer you usually fear to receive was the one you were actually trying to get, and getting it was actually a win for you?
Steve Chandler calls it ‘Playing the No Game’. If I handed you a coin, and told you I’d pay you $100 for each time you flipped it and it came up heads in the next 5 minutes, what would you do? You’d start flipping pretty quickly. And what would happen if the coin came up Tails? Would you stop right away for fear of getting more Tails, and start creating a story about what receiving a Tails meant about you? Of course not! You’d keep flipping that coin, as many times as you can. Because you’d know that the more times the coin comes up Tails, the more it will come up Heads, which is where the wealth is.
No works in the same way. You can’t get Yeses, without also getting Nos. The more Nos you receive, the more Yeses will also follow. The key is to keep asking. No just means No. It doesn’t mean anything about your worth as a human being. It doesn’t say anything about your value. It’s just information.
What would you love to ask for, that you’d love to get a Yes response? Go out and ask as many people, and deliberately collect as many Nos as you can. And notice how much easier it is to create what you want, when No no longer holds any power over you.
If there’s one word that holds women back from the life of their dreams, it’s the word ‘realistic’. I cringe when I hear it because I know the person saying it has almost certainly bought into limitations, without ever really examining if they’re true. Limitations usually placed on them by other people who also have never really examined if they’re true.
When I work with a client, one of the first things we do is to get all her deepest dreams out on the table. Her absolute dream life. Being ‘realistic’ is banned from the session, we want everything out in the open. Coaching is a place for miracles to occur, not for creating a half-life, inside the boundaries of falsely imposed limitations.
Some things are unrealistic, yes. However much I want to, I’m never going to meet Henry VIII(my only Bad Boy crush) in this life time. But most of our desires aren’t unrealistic, they’re just unexamined. For almost everything you want to do, there is someone in the world doing it right now. Want to find your soul mate at 80 years of age? There are women older than that falling in love and getting married every day. Want to have a career where you love what you do, make plenty of money and have lots of free time? There are people all over the world (and the number is growing) who are doing this as you read. Want to travel the world with your spouse and children, without disrupting your kids education? There are families everywhere, doing this right at this very moment.
You can worry about being ‘realistic’ later on. For now, dream bigger than you’ve ever dreamed before. The moment you catch yourself uttering the ‘R’ word, stop and examine if it’s even true. A quick Google search will usually throw that notion out the window.
If someone is out in the world, doing something you want, then that means it’s possible for you too. Yes, your situation might be different to theirs. You might have obstacles that they don’t have. But guess what? They have obstacles too. Ones that you don’t have. But the difference is, they still made it work.
I remember when I first came back from traveling alone (apparently, it’s completely unrealistic for a girl to want to travel alone). Most of the people who had told me before I left that it was unrealistic for me, now told me how ‘lucky’ I was, and how they wished they could do it too. When I told them if I could do it, then there was no reason they couldn’t either, they told me all these reasons why it was possible for me to do it, and unrealistic for them. One co-worker told me that I was a lot braver than she was. Well that had nothing to do with it. All the things she feared could happen to her, could have happened to me too. I was just as fragile and breakable as she was. I had all the same fears. There were times on my adventures when I was absolutely, hands-hidden-inside-my-shirt-sleeves-so-no-one-can-see-how-much-they’re-shaking, terrified. The difference is, I did it anyway.
Being unrealistic is where the magic happens. Challenge any automatic assumptions you might have about what’s realistic, or why something is possible for other people, but not for you. When you feel afraid of challenging the assumption, that’s a sign that you’re on the right track. Challenge it, move past it and you’ll look back and wonder why you ever thought that way.
We’ve been raised to believe that it’s wrong to have big dreams. We balk at the idea of being upfront about our desires and judge ourselves as greedy for wanting abundance. As women, we’re often trained to meet other people’s needs, while ignoring our own. And we do it, without ever questioning why it has to be this way.
One of my clients is a top executive at one of the largest humanitarian organizations in the world. During our first coaching call, she told me that she has a big dream of having all the money she’ll ever need, while having plenty of free time to spend with the child she’s planning to adopt. We explored her dream behind her dream, to discover why she wanted this wealth. What would it enable her to do, that she can’t do now? Who’s life would change, as a result of her producing this income?
After several minutes, we found out that her dream is to use the money to build schools for the education of girls in Kenya and Ethiopia, places she’s been to several times, and adores. She wants to see women and girls be empowered in ways that benefit them and their whole communities. This is the legacy she wants to leave behind in the world, after she’s gone.
While talking about this incredible goal, her whole tone lit up. Her voice was vibrant and excited and I could feel her passion and authenticity in my own body while listening to her. However, when she returned to the subject of having the wealth and time to achieve this, her whole tone became apologetic. She had the very common belief that it’s somehow selfish and unrealistic to want to have great wealth and free time, despite it’s purpose. We quickly turned that belief on it’s head when she opened up to the possibility that it was more than fine for her to want this. Why wouldn’t she? It makes perfect sense to want to have financial freedom and plenty of time to spend with the people and projects you love. It’s the other way around – working endless hours for little pay that makes no sense.
Be bold about your desires. Stop judging yourself for wanting what you want. It’s perfectly ok. You can do far more good in the world with wealth, than you can when you’re struggling to pay the bills. You find it easier to be more open-hearted and generous when you’re not stressing about how to feed your children. Wealth for wealth’s sake is not in itself a worthy goal, but that’s why people very rarely want this. What we want is the life and goals that having wealth will enable us to achieve. It’s like wanting to get from Edinburgh to London, and apologizing for wanting a car to make the journey easier, when you’ve been brought up to believe you should walk.
Start paying attention to the times you judge yourself and catch it as quickly as you can. Then turn it around. Remember the goal behind the goal, and remind yourself how worthy and noble your desires are. You would not be reading this website, if you were not a conscious woman who wants to live out her life’s purpose and make a difference in the world. So stop treating yourself like you’re someone you’re not!
That is why I’m so excited about what Gina Devee’s is up to…
She is releasing 7 videos she filmed in Paris that will inspire you to completely develop yourself in a way that brings everything about who YOU are front and center.
Many of her clients are doing the same.
Only you know why you are here.
And Gina DeVee knows how to bring that gift out of you in such a powerfully feminine way, that you can’t help but attract the right clients for you, at the price you deserve.
It’s time to let everyone know who you came here to be.
P.S. If you are absolutely ready to step into your own power and transform your money story…. And do it in a way where you can create a business that you love in the process.
You are a woman who is successful, adventurous and intuitive and right now, you feel like you’re in a period of transition. You’ve been following the life path you were told is the correct one. But you know it doesn’t feel right. It sometimes feels like you’re sleep-walking through your days, still waiting for your real life to start. You have big dreams. You want an extraordinary life. You want to be able to look back on your life and cherish the amazing memories you created, with the satisfaction of knowing you played full out, and that the world is now a far better place, because you were here. You want to share yourself and your gifts fully with the world. You’ve started to move away from where you were. But you’re feeling stuck because you’re still not clear on where you want to go, or how to get there. You want to get out of that ‘in between’ phase, and start living the life you want to live.
Yet, when you consider going for your dreams, something holds you back. You doubt yourself. Your family and friends criticize you and try to pull you back into the fold, and you can’t remember how to claim confidence in your own voice. Every time you try to open up about your dreams, you get shut down and you start to wonder if maybe they’re right…
Coaching is one of the best ways to overcome fears and blocks you have around living your dreams. It helps you gain clarity and reconnect with your true self, so you can live fully from your soul, knowing exactly what you want. And you have someone who is 100% on your side, who believes in you, and encourages you to dream bigger than you’ve ever dreamed before.
I only work with a few coaching clients a year. I help women who have forgotten how powerful they are, to reconnect with their true power and reclaim their voice. I work with women who want to stop apologizing and seeking permission to be who they really are, so they can unapologetically be their authentic, warm, loving and open-hearted selves. You’ll learn how to listen to your intuition, and take back your power. The coaching we do is deep, and is unique to each person I work with.
Because I spent so many years feeling powerless myself, I can easily see where people are giving their power away to others and how they can begin to reclaim it. I can see the destructive thoughts, actions, behaviors, blind spots and patterns that hold them back. And I can also see the genius in the people I work with, even when they can’t see it themselves. My clients say they love that they can tell me anything, no matter how big or fearful. They love that I believe in them and can see their brilliance, even when they can’t see it themselves. Many of them have told me it’s the first time they’ve ever felt safe enough to fully share their dreams with another person.
You don’t need a coach. No-one needs a coach. Coaching is something you want, when you’re ready to play full out, and take your life to the next level. Coaching isn’t for the faint-hearted. It’s an investment, not just of money, but of time, commitment and courage.
For the first time,probably in years, you will reclaim your own voice and see the world differently, opening up to new possibilities. Listening to your own voice and not the voice of your conditioning literally changes your life.
I work by invitation and referral only. I spend a minimum of two hours with each prospective client, learning about who you are and exploring what you really want. If after two hours, we decide we’ve solved your problem, we can leave it there (although I like to keep in touch from time to time, to know how you’re doing). If you decide you’d like to continue coaching, and if it’s a fit for both of us, then we can explore how we can work together.
Because I only work with a few people, I have a very high filter for the types of clients I work with:
1: You must be coachable. If you’re just looking for new information, then coaching isn’t for you. The work we do together needs to be applied for you to experience transformation.
2: You must be fun and interesting. We’ll be working closely together, so it’s important that we enjoy each other’s company.
3: You must be committed and courageous. You must really want your big dreams, and be willing to stretch outside of your comfort zone.
4: You must be inspiring. You must be lit up by what you want, and you must want something that will really make a difference in your life and in the world.
If you meet those 4 criteria, then we should have a great time working together.
Contact me at email@example.com, for a powerful coaching conversation. We’ll block out 2 full hours, and I will give you the most powerful coaching experience I can give. At the end of that time, you’ll know. Either you’ll want more of that. Or we’ll be complete, because you’ll have had everything that you need from our conversation. Either way is a success.
When you’re ready to change your life, contact me and we’ll talk.
My mentor Gina DeVee is answering this question with her new and inspiring 7-part video series she created in France!
Gina is sharing her own journey from being a struggling psychotherapist to now having wealth consciousness and coaching mastery–she explains from her apartment in Paris.
And she is revealing the steps she took to move her business forward (the same steps that can work for you), thrusting you into the lifestyle and freedom you truly desire.
With her 7 Paris-based videos, she shares:
- How she transformed her money story from the “underearner” and “just-enougher” to a 7-figure earner in a few short years (and how any service based professional can as well)
- Exactly why most women are afraid to be visible… and how you can overcome this insecurity to have confidence in your business and offerings.
- What “The suppressed secret of millions of women” is and how you can take a stand to not be one of them.
- How to give yourself permission to create a glorious lifestyle.
If you’re ready to unlock your path to experiencing incredible wealth of spirit, potential, and money, click here to watch her first video now >>
I know you will love these videos from Paris and be inspired by them!
PS: If you are ready to allow yourself to be your best self and begin expressing at your highest level and your fullest capacity. Click here for immediate access to Gina’s videos from France and start living your life on purpose.
Have you seen all of the gorgeous videos yet?
Gina DeVee shared with me that the stories and questions are pouring in from women just like you who can relate to her struggle to create an amazing income, while also stepping up and living her calling.
So she has decided to host a LIVE call with Q&A on Thursday, October 3rd!
Some of you have already registered for The Academy, others of you plan to sign up, some are wondering if it’s right for you…
Gina is gathering women entrepreneurs and decided it’s time for us to all get together and talk!
That’s why I’m inviting you to join her for a LIVE call Thursday, October 3rd to explain and illuminate the ways in which you can:
- Transform your own money story so you will never again struggle financially
- Become queen of your own life and develop the lifestyle of your dreams!
- Develop mastery as a transformational coach and function at such a frequency that clients leap forward to work with you
- Deliver the message you came here to deliver – as only you can – with confidence and complete clarity
- 10am LA
- 1pm NYC
- 6pm London
- 7pm Paris
You can listen online:
Phone Number: (206) 402-0100
Pin Code: 013584#
Gina DeVee is also revealing a MAJOR bonus on this live call! And you’ll need to be on the live call to hear what it is… you definitely don’t want to miss this one!
I’m so looking forward to being there with you LIVE!
P.S. If you haven’t seen the video series yet, I encourage you to watch these transformational videos before the call.